If you are attempting to care for and counsel both the perpetrator and the victim, you are unlikely to succeed on both fronts.
There is no shame in directing them to professional help. Often ministers, leaders and supporters find it hard to care for a perpetrator that they felt they had known for years. It is natural to want to help them find their way back and reconcile with their partner. This simply may not be the best outcome though.
Get the perpetrator into a behavior change program. Let them start dealing with their actions. How you and you church respond to them is up to you.
ADD TO FROM EXPERT ASSISTANCE??