Lucy Sullivan reflects on the isolation of coercive control and how healthy relationships are embedded in community.
I met Yina* through the legal clinic I run in partnership with a local church in Sydney’s North. Yina contacted us after she and her two children had escaped the family home and her violent ex-partner. After a violent incident in a public place, the Police applied for an Apprehended Violence Order to protect Yina and the children and charged her ex-partner with multiple counts of assault and other related offences.
Although now physically safe, Yina was socially isolated. During the relationship, Yina had lost contact with her support network. After leaving, Yina tried to reach out to her family, who were largely overseas. But when her ex-partner found out, he reported her to police as ‘mentally unstable’ and she was not believed by police or her family. Yina initially got some practical support from a mutual friend who was willing to assist her in caring for the children when Yina was at work. However, over time, her ex-partner began to pressure that friend to talk to Yina for him, assist him in finding out information about the children and using her to try to access the children. It was no longer safe for Yina to maintain contact with that friend.
Yina’s experience, unfortunately, is not unique. One of the insidious features of coercive control is the isolation of a person from their family, friends, church and wider support network.
For many women, isolation becomes a blockage to accessing the emotional support and practical help necessary to escape violence. “No, I have no one…” is a sentence I’ve heard repeatedly as I sit with women seeking to navigate their way to safety for themselves and their children.
Through her clinic appointments with me, Yina met a volunteer welcomer from the church who hosts our legal clinic. While I sought to support Yina with good and compassionate advice, the volunteer provided welcome, cups of tea, cooked meals and, perhaps most significantly, friendship. The road ahead for Yina is still difficult, but she is a little less alone and increasingly more hopeful.
*name and identifying details changed to preserve confidentiality.
As followers of Jesus we’re called to live in community and be community for one another. That was the Way of the first disciples and early church who ‘had everything in common’.
Is there someone coming to mind who you could offer community to today?
Holy Spirit, help us be a people who offer and receive community.
Lucy Sullivan is a Senior Solicitor of Horizons Family Law Centre. Horizons is a community legal centre set up as an expression of Christian faith, providing free and low-cost legal help for people experiencing family breakdown, with a focus on parenting disputes, safety & family violence. Horizons works collaboratively with local churches and NGO’s to help families in crisis navigate legal systems in pursuit of something they might experience as ‘good news’.
Healthy Relationships is Common Grace's daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December 2025. Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
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Victoria, a survivor of domestic and family violence, reflects on how healthy relationships allow stories to be shared, and listened to.
