Victoria, a survivor of domestic and family violence, reflects on how healthy relationships allow stories to be shared, and listened to.
Have you seen the Japanese artform Kintsugi? It takes broken bowls and repairs them with gold. The cracks are not hidden but highlighted — they are part of the story. The bowl is not discarded because it is broken, it is treasured because it has been restored.
In God’s eyes, survivors of family and domestic violence are like that — valued members of His family, bearing both scars and strength.
But here is the question: Are we truly listening to them? Or are we avoiding the discomfort of their pain?
Survivors often carry invisible wounds — shame, fear, confusion, and isolation. Some are still sitting beside their abuser in a church pew, terrified to speak. When they dare to share their story, it is an act of immense courage. How we respond matters.
Jesus listened. He stopped for the bleeding woman (Mark 5), the blind beggar (Mark 10), and the Samaritan woman (John 4). He met each person with compassion, dignity, and truth. Listening is not passive — it is an intentional act of love and justice.
To listen well means to be present, patient, and safe. It means making space for deep emotion — not shutting it down. Overwhelm, fear, or sadness do not mean a person lacks faith. You don’t need to know what to do, just be there. Be Jesus here.
Suppressing emotions is not holiness, it is harm. Ask often, a little check in, an SMS, something so the survivor doesn’t feel alone especially after sharing with you for the first time.
It is a long road, keep listening, keep asking, keep caring and showing support.
It can be a strange grief for the survivor navigating the death of a marriage and impact on family. Treat the survivor the same way you treat the grieving widow, turn up, cook meals, offer help.
Psalm 10:17 says, ‘You, Lord, hear the desire of the afflicted, you encourage them, and you listen to their cry.” When we listen to survivors, we reflect the heart of God who hears the oppressed.
During these 16 Days of Activism, let us commit to being safe people. Let us challenge the systems — even within the church — that protect abusers or keep women in harm’s way. And let us never underestimate how healing it is to be truly heard and believed.
When we listen with presence, patience, and belief, we reflect the heart of Jesus, who hears the cry of the oppressed and restores the broken with love.
Listening to survivors of domestic violence is one way we embody the love of Jesus, but it also calls us to reflect on how we build healthy relationships in our own lives and communities.
What might it look like to listen as Jesus did, with compassion and dignity?
Healthy relationships are marked by safety, respect, equality, and love. Do the relationships you are part of reflect these qualities? Where might God be inviting you to grow?
When have you felt truly listened to? How might you offer that same gift to others?
Ask God to give you ears to hear the cries of the hurting and courage to challenge attitudes or systems that silence them.
Healthy relationships don’t just happen; they are nurtured through patience, humility, and love. As you practice listening with love, you join in God’s restoring work honouring the broken and reflecting His heart of healing.
Victoria works in Education and Wellbeing at a girls’ school in Sydney. She’s a survivor of domestic and family violence, passionate about supporting others in church communities. She’s committed to educating teens about respectful relationships, and is advocating for ongoing church-based education. Victoria is a member of Common Grace’s Domestic and Family Violence Working Group.
Healthy Relationships is Common Grace's daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December 2025. Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
The following Domestic and Family Violence support services are available:
Learn more about Domestic and Family Violence from Common Grace's SAFER Resource
In our final day of 16 Days of Activism Pastor and family lawyer Todd Darvas, shares how God is at work breaking through broken relationships to bring restorative hope and how Christians can help create pathways to safety, dignity, and healing.
Louise explores how love and fear go hand-in-hand in abusive relationships.
Victoria, a survivor of domestic and family violence, reflects on how healthy relationships allow stories to be shared, and listened to.
