Megan Powell du Toit reflects on the differences between healthy persuasion and harmful coercion.
A key decision we are faced with when others disagree with us is, are we going to use persuasion or coercion as we seek to reach agreement? Coercion is the use of force to compel someone to do what they do not want to do. Coercion seeks to force agreement, without convincing the person. Persuasion, on the other hand, requires that you convince someone of the merit of what you believe or do.
As we come up to Advent, I am reminded again of an extraordinary detail in the story of the incarnation. Mary is recorded as giving her consent to becoming pregnant with Jesus (Luke 1:38). Though, perhaps not so extraordinary when we consider the incarnation. The story of Jesus tells us of a God who seeks to persuade rather than coerce. In the gospel, the message about Jesus, there is an invitation, not a compulsion. The early church grew through the gospel being preached – and what is preaching but an act of persuasion? Faith then is something of which we are convinced – it cannot be coerced, or it is no true faith at all.
What does this mean for us in our disagreements with each other? So often we become frustrated with each other and tempted to engage in some level of coercion. This can be overt: those who advocate for forms of Christian nationalism seek to impose their faith on others through the state. It can also be more subtle. For example, we can engage in arguments which are false, misleading, manipulative, abusive or lacking kindness.
When we resort to coercive tactics, instead of seeking to persuade, it shows a lack of faith in the ability of what is true and good to convince. It is also evidence that we are afraid God cannot be relied upon to bring justice and restoration. So out of fear, we justify ungodly behaviour as necessary for God’s purposes to succeed. But in doing so we ignore the power of the gospel.
Moreover, we forget that effective persuasion is more than reasoned argument. When someone is attempting to convince us something is good, it must be shown to be good in their life. In 2 Timothy 2:24-25, Paul encourages Timothy in this way: “And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kindly to everyone, an apt teacher, patient, correcting opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant that they will repent and come to know the truth.”
Over and above all of this, we must remember that the loving God revealed through the incarnation of Jesus is also seeking to persuade people. We therefore do not need to act as if everything depends on us. Instead, we are free to love in gentleness, giving others freedom because we know God is patiently working through all things for good (Rom 8:28).
Reflect: Where in your relationships or conversations are you tempted to “win” rather than persuade with love? What might it look like to trust God more deeply in those moments?
Read: 2 Timothy 2:22–26 and Philippians 2:1–11 — notice how gentleness, humility, and patience are central to the way of Christ, and this blog post by psychologist Kylie Walls on coercion.
Listen: An episode on the controlling church from Megan’s podcast, featuring Kylie Walls.
Practice: This week, when disagreement arises, pause before responding. Ask: Am I seeking to control, or to love and persuade?
Rev Dr Megan Powell du Toit is Senior Pastor at Rouse Hill Baptist Church in Sydney. She also co-directs The WADR Project with Rev Dr Michael Jensen, which puts out the podcast With All Due Respect and publishes the online media platform WADR Online.
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