Father Rod Bower shares a story from his childhood as he reflects on how domestic and family violence can impact children.
This story shares experiences of domestic and family violence. We acknowledge that this may bring up difficult emotions or memories for some readers. Please care for yourself as you read, or come back at a time when you feel ready.
Mondays were the worst.
Monday was sale day in the regional centre about an hour's drive from where I grew up in the New South Wales Hunter Valley.
The anxiety would begin sometime Sunday afternoon as we loaded cattle on the truck to be transported to the sale. This was fun for the seven-year-old me, climbing all over the big truck, living in the promise that when I was ten, I would be allowed to ride out on the muster with the grown-ups. But there was always, what I now know to be the shadow of anxiety, because tomorrow was Monday.
The day would begin with a flurry of activity, my sister and I being bundled off to the school bus as mum and dad got ready to go to town where mum would shop for supplies while dad attended the cattle sale, nodding to the auctioneer when the required price had been reached.
It was sometime during school holidays when I was about six that I first found out about the gate. It was simply a piece of timber about two meters high and 60 centimetres wide and it hung on two chunky metal hinges; slamming shut with the aid of a squeaky spring. It was just wide enough for an adult to squeeze through, and it led from the sale yards to the pub.
Each Monday about recess time I would feel in my bones the dad had gone through the gate, in my imagination I could hear the squeak of the spring and the thud of the gate, and I knew what I had to do when I got home.
My sister and I would always get home before Mum and Dad on Monday’s, and from about the age of seven I had learnt that I had one job on Monday’s. I had to take the firing pins out of the rifles and hide the ammunition. I knew that this may cause trouble, but trouble is one thing, where trouble is mixed with alcohol and firearms it is an entirely different thing.
Seven-year-olds should never have to know that.
Mum did her best to keep us safe, many times we were bundled in the car and taken to the sanctuary that we knew as Nanna’s, but somehow in my seven-year-old mind I assumed the responsibility to keep my family safe, an assumption that had a deep and lasting impact on my entire life.
Kids shouldn’t have to do that; kids shouldn’t have to make their own worlds safe.
What can we do to encourage children to take up their own authority to be children and not mini adults?
How can we model to our faith and wider communities the behaviours needed to make our world a safe place for children?
You know what God, I hear them call you Father, but I get scared when they do that. Can I call you Nana? I hope that’s OK. If it is, then I think we can do this prayer thing.
Amen.
Father Rod Bower is the Director of Mission for Newcastle Anglican and serves on the Domestic and Family Abuse committee. Rod works with others in his organisation to raise awareness about DFA and to contribute to a culture of safety for all. Follow Fr Rod on social media @FrBower
Healthy Relationships is Common Grace's daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December 2025. Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
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Victoria, a survivor of domestic and family violence, reflects on how healthy relationships allow stories to be shared, and listened to.
