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Day 11: Making a Way Towards Hope

Steve Frost, founder of Horizons Family Law Centre, shares about the legal processes for addressing coercive control.

Making a Way Towards Hope

Legal processes for addressing coercive control

STEVE FROST

“Way maker, miracle worker, promise keeper,

Light in the darkness.

My God, that is who You are.”

Have you ever sung these words in some kind of Christian gathering? 

I have. I never know (but always wonder) what others are holding in mind while they sing these words. 

Because of what I do for work, I’m normally thinking of women I know who are stuck in (or moving on from) corrosive, abusive or unsafe relationships. The words, for me, are a prayer that our Creator & Sustainer, who’s just like Jesus, would actually ‘make a way’ for these women and their families - and be light in their darkness while that’s happening.  

Police, lawyers, mediation services and courts are often a necessary part of this change. Some families won’t experience the change they hope for without them.

If the Apostle Paul is right in Romans 13:1 (and Jesus is right in Luke 4:18), legal processes, and the people who administer them, are part of how God works in the world to create good news for the poor in spirit, freedom for those held captive by the damaging choices of another and release for those imprisoned by their own worst moments. 

Sometimes the involvement with legal processes will start because an incident escalates so sharply that police arrive. Often, though, there is no ‘flashpoint’ that draws police to the problem. The person pursuing change will need to attend a Police Station and make a report. 

However police become involved, what they do (or refuse to do) will be based on their judgment about what they’ll be able to prove in court. Criminal charges need to be proved ‘beyond reasonable doubt’ - the highest standard of proof in Law. But the protection of a Domestic Violence Order is based on the lower standard of the ‘balance of probabilities’. That’s easier to prove, but still needs enough evidence to convince a Magistrate they can and should make the orders police are asking for. 

Anyone attending a Police Station (or, for that matter, seeing a lawyer or mediator about the family law dimensions of separating) will normally get the best response by providing the best evidence they have in the most easy to follow format. Writing out the key events in the order they happened - with each event described in just a few short sentences and copies of any photos, recordings or communication attached - will normally produce the best results. Anything longer than about 2-4 pages runs the risk of being too long. Police and lawyers can always ask for more detail if they need it. 

Pulling this together can be extraordinarily hard for people who’ve lived through traumatic events, so help from family, friends and support workers will often be necessary. Maybe as we offer this small, practical and supportive help, those we’re helping will sense that God really is a light in their darkness & making a way towards what they hope for.

Go Deeper

  • An app like ‘Arc’ can help keep track of key events and proof they happened. Visit The Arc App. 
  • A list of community sector legal help is available on the ‘Get Help’ page of Family Violence Law Help. 
  • Information about  family violence informed mediation is available at Family Relationship Centres. 

Steve Frost is the founder of Horizons Family Law Centre, a community legal service run as an expression of Christian faith. Horizons works collaboratively with local churches and both faith & non-faith NGO’s to help families in crisis navigate legal systems in pursuit of something they might experience as ‘good news’.

Follow Family Horizons Law Centre on Facebook

About this series

Confronting Coercive Control is Common Grace's daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December 2024.
Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
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The following Domestic and Family Violence support services are available:

Confronting Coercive Control

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Day 9: Falling Through the Cracks

Kristine Vicca, of Irish and Torres Strait Island descent, and a survivor-advocate of domestic violence, shares her story of experiencing coercive control, and her journey to healing and recovery.

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Day 12: The Tangible Love of Christ

Todd Darvas, Pastor at H3O and family lawyer, demonstrates how the love of Christ is made tangible for women experiencing coercive control when restorative justice is embedded into the life of the local church.

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Day 13: Healing From Coercive Control

Debbie spent 25 years in a marriage, that to her surprise, she now understands to be coercive control. Her decision to leave her marriage was not an easy one, but one that helped her on her way towards healing.

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Day 15: We Have More to Offer.

Social worker and educator, Carolyn Cousins, explores how to be a safe church for women to disclose their abuse and how churches can model healthy relationships as a form of prevention of coercive control.