Day 14: The Non-linear Journey of Recovery

The Non-linear Journey of Recovery

Banksia Women providing agency without expectation

NAOMI ESCOTT

When Sara first came to Banksia Women, it had been a year since she had escaped an abusive marriage. But she wasn’t coping. She felt very isolated, like she was the only person to have gone through such terrible things, and that no one would understand. Her ex partner was trying to squeeze his way back into her life and she wondered if she had made a mistake in leaving.

During the time a woman is going through the very difficult and dangerous separation period, support from women’s refuges and various organisations is available to them. But once the emergency has passed, women can feel alone and unsupported, unsure of where to go when they need help. It can be incredibly isolating, and the statistics around depression, suicidal thoughts and drug and alcohol use for women who have experienced abuse show how difficult it can be. Devastatingly, many women end up in another abusive relationship, or return to their partner rather than face an uncertain future alone.

At Banksia Women, we work specifically in this period of a woman’s life, whether it has been weeks, months or years since the abuse has occurred. 

One thing we’ve learned is that healing is not a linear journey, and there is no magical destination where you are released from the effects of trauma. There are ups and downs and new and unexpected challenges to face, however, over time, as healing takes place the ups can last for longer and the downs are less low. 

There is no one size fits all approach to healing. Banksia Women provides services that target women’s physical, mental, emotional and economic wellbeing using a ‘whole person’ approach. We offer yoga, meditation and art therapy and run workshops on different aspects of recovery. It is about giving them options and agency without pressure or expectation.

But the one thing every woman needs, the thing that binds our program and makes it so valuable, is connection.

Connecting with other women who believe, support, understand and help makes such a difference. The most beautiful moments are watching women who have each experienced unspeakable violence come together to support each other and learn from each other. They go away looking visibly uplifted, relaxed and hopeful.

For Sara, the thing that made the biggest difference was seeing ‘I’m not alone in this.’ She says: ‘There were so many women there! I saw that their experiences were pretty similar to mine. I think that was the biggest thing that helped me to not feel ashamed about my situation. Because it was not my fault. I was not the only one. It can happen to anybody.’

In our busy lives, sometimes we can feel like we want to do something to fix the problem, but healing and recovery isn’t about things we can do. It’s about being. Being a safe person, being available, and encouraging people just by being there.

Churches can be safe places like this, where Christians are willing to sit with people in their despair. It can be hard not to jump in with advice or suggestions, but it’s important to allow women to make their own decisions.

Healing is a journey. There are ups and downs but we are so in awe of the brave women who have endured so much, and come so far.

Banksia Women is not Jesus. We can’t heal people instantly. But we care. We see. We believe. We help. Our hope for these women is that they can be freed from their suffering. So as we seek to bring restoration and wholeness, we trust that Jesus is working through us.

Go Deeper

Does your church let people leave a room easily without embarrassment?

Does your church have signs in toilets about what coercive control is and where to get help? 

How can your church help women on their journey of healing and recovery? 

Pray

Heavenly God,

We pray for those recovering from abusive relationships, that they will experience connection with people around them and find their path toward healing.

Help us to love them with the love you’ve shown us. To sit and listen through difficulty, to uphold their sense of self and their agency and to be available, supportive and encouraging. Amen.

Naomi Escott works for Banksia Women where she shares her homemade sourdough with some very appreciative women. Her work is driven by a love for Jesus, the one who heals all pain and suffering. She has studied and worked in various fields including design, theology, and teaching, which have all converged in her current role in Communications and Partnerships. She goes to church at St Mark’s Darling Point with her husband and four kids. 

To support the work of Banksia Women go to https://www.banksiawomen.org.au/donate 

About this series

Confronting Coercive Control is Common Grace's daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December 2024.
Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
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The following Domestic and Family Violence support services are available:

• 1800 RESPECT National Helpline: 1800 737 732
• Women’s Crisis Line: 1800 811 811
• Men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491
• Lifeline (24 hour crisis line): 131 114
• 13 YARN (Aboriginal Mob): 13 92 76
• Emergency: 000