Day 7: When Speaking on Behalf of God is Risky
Josh Dowton, Executive Pastor at Northside Baptist Church, shares how being in church leadership is risky if it becomes a form of control and coercion.
We Have More to Offer.
Teaching healthy relationships to prevent coercive control.
CAROLYN COUSINS
The problem of gender-based violence and coercive control can seem overwhelming, and we can be unsure of our role in addressing it. We worry about not knowing how to respond, that we can make it worse, and so it is tempting to ‘leave it to the experts.’
As someone who has worked within the Domestic and Family Violence sector for many years, I have increasingly come to believe that we have more to offer in the Church than we may first think.
All churches can take steps to ensure they are spaces where victims of violence and control feel safe to share their experience, and this means being a congregation willing to hear. If you don’t think you have people either using or experiencing violence and control in your congregation, that most likely means you are not a safe space to share. I would encourage you to prayerfully consider how you can regularly communicate a message that you believe domestic and family violence happens, that control is never an appropriate response in Christian relationships, and that you will support those wanting to be free from these experiences. How do you reflect this message from the front, on your website, in your bulletin? The Safer Spaces Toolkit contains a preaching tool and videos that can assist.
And you don’t need to know how to manage every disclosure. You just need to know who to ask. Make it your task to know about services in your area and who you can ask.
Our churches also have a lot to offer in the preventative space of coercive control.
All of us are designed as relational beings, and conflict is a natural and expected part of any human relationship. As Christians, we have a beautiful model we can share, following the example of Jesus, in how to approach conflict in healthy ways. Jesus doesn’t model avoiding conflict; however he does address tension in relationships with a clear and communicated value for the other person. He demonstrates respect, compassion and the true value held for every person created in God’s image. He models, in a very counter cultural way, what it means to be a strong, compassionate human male, who cares deeply and with equality for the women in his life and world.
Modelling healthy relationships is a form of domestic and family violence prevention. We cannot leave the understanding of our congregations to chance about how to undertake conflict in relationship. Consider today how your church is addressing, for those of all ages, their responsibility to understand and model healthy relationships, valuing each other in all things, and managing conflict in ways that show deep love, care and respect. Where popular culture and social media can promote unhealthy relational models that treat others as theirs for our consumption, the Church can be a community that refuses to engage in or promote any kind of controlling behaviour.
Go Deeper
Take time today to reflect on how you can ensure you are modelling true Christlike values in the way you manage difference and conflict in your relationships.
Spend some time researching services in your local area or near your church that specifically support women who are experiencing coercive control. This may include local police, Christian counsellors, women’s shelters, or recovery and healing programs.
Carolyn Cousins is a social worker and adult educator who provides supervision and training to practitioners in the NSW Domestic Violence Sector. She has also worked with Churches and denominations to equip them in responding to gender based violence in their congregations and communities.
About the series
Confronting Coercive Control is Common Grace's daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December 2024.
Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
Promote these series in your church or faith community with PowerPoint slides and social media assets.
The following Domestic and Family Violence support services are available:
- 1800 RESPECT National Helpline: 1800 737 732
- Women’s Crisis Line: 1800 811 811
- Men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491
- Lifeline (24 hour crisis line): 131 114
- 13 YARN (Aboriginal Mob): 13 92 76
- Emergency: 000
