Day 4: Jesus questions where true power lies.

Jesus Questions Where True Power Lies

Spiritual abuse as a form of coercive control

REV. SCOTT HOLMES

Throughout the Gospel stories there is a quiet but persistent theme about spiritual responsibility. In different ways Jesus encourages the people he mixes with to be responsible for their own faith rather than leave it in the hands of others. “But who do you say that I am?” he says to the disciples (Matt 16:15). “Do you want to get well?” he says to the man by the pool (John 5:6). And to the woman who was about to be stoned he says, “Neither do I condemn you. Go your way and from now on do not sin again.” (John 8:11) 

In a similar vein, Jesus confronts those who would control the faith of others, particularly the religious leaders of the day. He questions where true power lies – in the hands of controlling men, or in those who know their own need for healing and renewal. 

Sadly, and as many of us know personally, this message of Jesus has always been difficult for our hierarchical church to hear. Too often, clergy, leaders, theologians and pastors have used their authority to control others rather than encourage discipleship. And, also too often, this pattern of control over spiritual practice has been a feature of our intimate relationships as well. 

Spiritual abuse – as this is called – is increasingly being recognised as another way that one person in a relationship – nearly always the man – exerts control over the other. It can take many forms. Insistence on praying in a particular way. Pressure to tithe out of one person’s income. Interpreting scripture in certain ways, usually to provide justification for other types of abuse that is occurring. Demanding that the partner attend worship. But it can also be obstructing the other person’s spiritual practice. Denying their partner opportunities to worship. Stopping them from attending women’s Bible study groups. Interrupting their prayer time. 

In our multicultural and multi-faith society, spiritual abuse can also be discrimination against the faith of our partner – the assumption that our religion and spiritual practice is better than yours. 

Within intimate relationships spiritual abuse is a particularly difficult expression of coercive control. It can so easily masquerade as concern about a partner’s faith, the faith which is central to our sense of identity. 

It is vital that we remember that faith is not faith unless it is freely chosen and freely practiced – without coercion or control. 

Go Deeper

How are you taking responsibility for your own faith, and what can you do to support others to find their own path of faith?

Pray

Dear God,
You give freely so that we have freedom to choose; choose how we live and how we love, and how we follow you. 

Help us to take responsibility for our own faith, and to never force others to have or express faith. When we see spiritual coercive control in our churches give us courage to remind people that in Christ there is freedom. 

May we be people who encourage, uplift, and inspire others to see the beauty and grace of Jesus.

Amen. 

Rev Scott Holmes has been active in the prevention of violence against women sector since 2011, including time working at Our Watch. He supports the committees of Anglican prevention programs in both Melbourne and nationally. Scott is a member of the chaplaincy team with the Brotherhood of St Laurence. 

About this series

Confronting Coercive Control is a daily blog series during 16 Days of Activism Against Gender-Based Violence, 25 November to 10 December, 2024. 

Encourage your friends, family and faith community to sign up here.
Promote these series in your church or faith community with PowerPoint slides and social media assets.

The following Domestic and Family Violence support services are available:

• 1800 RESPECT National Helpline: 1800 737 732
• Women’s Crisis Line: 1800 811 811
• Men’s Referral Service: 1300 766 491
• Lifeline (24 hour crisis line): 131 114
• 13 YARN (Aboriginal Mob): 13 92 76
• Emergency: 000